Why Not Just Ask?

Heather O'neill Coaching

single hand of drowning man in sea asking for helpGoing through a divorce was the most difficult thing I have had to go through in my life. And coming through it I felt like I had learned the lesson that “you have to be able to take care of yourself cause no one else will.” I started to believe in the “every man for himself” mentality and felt proud that I was standing on my own 2 feet. Alone.

And I couldn’t have been more wrong.

In my heart of hearts I no longer believe in every man for himself. I do not believe we are on this earth with billions of other people just so we can go it alone.

How awful would that be really??

Think about how good you feel when you can be there for someone else, knowing you truly helped and supported someone.

My son likes to read a book called “How Full Is Your Bucket?”. It talks about how we all have a bucket above our head and we fill it up when we do things for others and when others are there for us. And I love the concept. I think of it as full of love, connection, support and did I mention LOVE??

It feels good to be able to help and do for others. So why do we deny anyone else that experience by not allowing people to help us and to depend on someone else when we need to?

It’s easy to think that we don’t want to burden others or that we have to assert our independence all the time. Or it SEEMS easy. But really what the underlying belief is is that it’s safer to behave this way.

But I don’t believe it truly is. I think “no man is an island” and if people keep trying to be one we contribute to a halt in human evolution.

There are those who believe we are all one. (raises hand) And by that definition when we help others we also help ourselves. And if you flip that, when we allow others to help us we are also helping them.

Think about the people in your life who have helped you, with tasks both big and small. From simply giving you information to talking with you for hours when you are down in the dumps. And take a moment to send a mental thank you and then let the gratitude settle in your heart.

You know how you can FEEL when someone is in a bad mood when you are around them? Loving energy and gratitude gets emitted as well. And that is the kind of stuff that can make change in the world. In your daily life. And in your relationships.

But most of all, life can be made so much easier and more loving if we ask for help when we need it and when we work on truly receiving what others are willing to give to us. Not doing so cuts you off from your true/inner self, whether that is recognized on a conscious level or not.

So take a moment to think about who might need a hand with something today. And go over what you need some support with. And then ask for it!

Would love to hear your thoughts or about your action steps so please comment!

4 Comments on “Why Not Just Ask?

  1. Hi Heather,

    I love this!
    We, too, read How Full is Your Bucket? in my house, and as an educator, I have used it in groups with students and in the beginning of the school year to set a tone for the classroom enviroment.
    As an adult, it has taken a long time to understand that accepting and asking for help is necessary and that it REALLY does allow others to feel good. In our callous society, it feels good to help others and can be so therapeutic. I wish more people would be open to understanding this idea, but unfortunately so many of us are raised to go it alone and be independent that it has made us feel like we are weak to ask for help.
    Thanks for sharing this! 🙂

  2. Thanks for the thoughtful reply Lori! I think the more of us that come to learn it is not weak but rather a sign of growth can be a beacon of change for those who haven’t expanded their mindset yet. Be the change right?? 🙂

  3. Pingback: Something to SEA: Rainy Day Clicks for 8/15/2015 | "sea"ing the good amid the tides of life

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